It was nice having the experienced aunties and apus giving me insights into marriage in the long run, but what disappointed me was the tone of warning of some of them (not all)--
-- enjoy your life, now that there is no children in sight
-- wait till a few more years have passed, he will stop pretending to be so nice
-- compromise and be patient, this life shouldn't be all about enjoyment, your reward will be in the life after death.
It disappointed me to hear those warnings and seeing the attitude of 'I know what horrible things lie ahead, you don't". At the same time my heart filled with hope and respect as some of aunties were so gracious about being married, so grateful that they are married, so happy that they are with their husbands, so appreciative of their husbands despite of years of life together (without being blind to their faults). I don't know how will I change in the next ten years or so (if I am still alive), but I never want to get tired of being married, never want to be wistful about the life before marriage, never want to get a big blow by a 'previously-unknown-horrible-side' of my husband. I always want to feel as I feel now, grateful that my husband is constantly bringing out the best of me, and I want to keep doing the same to him. I think it becomes easier to think that way if one comes out of the typical bangali attitude: marriage is the be all and end all. I see marriage as Allah's way of putting two random human beings together, giving an unaccounted for amount of love and mercy between them and testing them in the process. A believer is another believer's mirror, and the closest mirror is one's spouse. I think if one tries to remember that, then one is sure to stop complaining about their husbands to random people and seeking only Allah's help in loving and respecting their husbands, and asking only Allah to remove the faults that they dislike, along with timely reminders... and building a partnership that will benefit them both.
I only ask Allah that my husband's faults appear insignificant to my eyes and my faults to his.
2 months ago